At that moment, my paradigm shifted. It was not a fancy car, shoes, or other material possessions that made me feel that happy, it was that I had immersed myself in service. Nothing pulls us out of our spiraling thoughts of insecurity, sadness, or anxiety like truly being there for another person, or in my case LOTS of dogs. I had just walked away from the comfort of my nicely paying manager Job at Lush Cosmetics and I was still in the midst of not knowing what I wanted to do with my life, but one thing was certain, the material possessions that society convinced me I wanted, were no longer on my radar.

Fast forward 3 years and I can now look back and thank the Franci from 3 years ago for following her gut. Walking away from the stable job was nerve wracking, but the more I continue to do what I love, the path continues to make itself more clear. While away for 6 months I became a certified yoga instructor and I’ve noticed that the yoga I love to share and vigorously learn about is the one that empowers and helps us understand our mind and how to overcome suffering.

The more I study yogic texts and other Eastern philosophies, the more I understand why I experienced that refreshing happiness while I was a stinky and sweaty volunteer.

The Yoga Sutras spell out the steps to reducing suffering in 8 steps and leading these 8 steps or limbs, the very first is ahimsa or not harming. In a nutshell, this has to start with how we talk to ourselves – our opinion of ourselves, the words we see ourselves using in our mind, and our patterns of thinking. Once we stop being hard on ourselves we can also start being more kind towards others. The less harm we cause others, the less suffering we experience. If we can also begin to prevent the harming to humans, animals, or our planet, it is a powerfully uplifting experience. Even if it is just one person or one dog, helping them reduce their discomfort is instantly uplifting.  

Compassion is the backbone of Buddhist philosophy and a very common meditation in Buddhism is Loving Kindness Meditation (LKM). Compassion and LKM are a way of gladdening the mind. Our tendency to perceive negative things in life and have them stored in our memories instantly, are all thanks to our limbic system. Positive situations take a bit longer for our mind to understand (15-30 seconds) and store in our memories. It is important to consciously balance the scales and practice things like compassion so that we are not always consumed by negative thoughts.

In my case I saw the effects of compassion and non-harming so clearly when I was volunteering. Reducing the suffering of the animals in the shelter made my suffering diminish. Walking and giving love to the dogs was instantly gratifying because they let you know how much they appreciate you with all their excitement and attention.

Suddenly, my obsession with my problems and worries were significantly reduced. Going to another country and learning about why there were around 500 dogs at the shelter, learning about the local culture, and doing whatever I could to bring a bit of joy to the dogs helped me zoom out and realize the scope of life. I saw, more clearly, my tile in the grand mosaic of life.

It only felt like the natural next step to share my understanding of a happy heart with others. The future of Happy Hearts Yoga Project will be filled with learning more from charitable causes from near and far as well as learning about sustainable happiness. Retreats will partner with locally run nonprofits in order for travelers to learn about the local culture through the lens of the nonprofits. We will continue to learn and cultivate practices that allow us to become more resilient and balanced.

To find out more about upcoming retreats and events, visit Happy Hearts Yoga Project

Yoga is the stilling of the revolutions of the mind. This is what Patanjali describes as yoga in his book the Yoga Sutras.
citta = mind; vrtti = fluctuation; nirodhah = restraint, control. The Yoga Sutras are composed of 4 books with short sutras or threads that explain yoga according to Patanjali. It is over 1,000 years old and is where the yoga we have come to know in the West originated. Although most of us generally come to yoga because of lower back pain or because we watched a beautiful video on social media, with time, the practice reveals that our mental health can also benefit as much as physical health.

The truth is that society these days demands a lot from us and the boom of technology keeps us distracted from present moment awareness and creates an abundance of stressful, angry, and sometimes (temporarily) happy thoughts. How many times a day do you grab your phone to check social media? I know I am guilty of it myself! It helps to numb us from dealing with our sometimes uncomfortable emotions. Because we’ve become a culture that applauds hustlers and multi-taskers that can get the most done in the least amount of time, we struggle to rest and restore. We feel guilty when we take a break or when we don’t answer that email from home. Our minds are cluttered with excessive marketing and ‘to-do’ lists for work, family, and friends. It becomes a challenge to sit still and concentrate.

We end up wanting to nirodhah the vrttis or stop the fluctuations because so much of our suffering comes from our excessive thinking and ruminating on something a coworker said or trying to think our way through an argument with a loved one.

Yoga asana or postures come to our rescue by putting our bodies in somewhat stressful situations and our yoga teachers guide us to calmness in the midst of the challenge with the asana. The more we challenge ourselves and find peace in the challenge, the more we can begin to practice this off of our mat as well. We stop avoiding uncomfortable conversations and we notice ourselves becoming less reactive and more resilient.

The asana practice also allows us to find presence within our body instead of living our entire lives in our head. We forget to listen to what our body is trying to tell us. It is only when we experience severe pain in our body that we begin to treat it.

The less distracted we are by the vrtti’s (fluctuations) of our citta (mind), the more we can be a witness to the beauty of the every day little moments. These little moments where we can observe how wonderful it feels to have the breeze brushing against our skin, or can notice how comforting that warm cup of coffee is.

The tendency of the mind is to always be distracted as it is affected by our sense organs and perceptions and although yoga is citta vrtti nirodhah, completely clearing the mind is not something that most yogis will be able to accomplish in this lifetime. That being said, the more we observe the patterns of our thoughts, the more we can observe our attachment to our thoughts and how we identify with them. How when we say ‘I am sad,’ we embody it and feel we are that. The more we become an observer of our thoughts, whether it be through meditation practice or asana practice, the more we can begin to release the clutches of these thoughts and minimize our identification with them.

I still enjoy my yoga asana practice for it’s physical support as well, but the workings of the mind have always been intriguing to me and if you are equally curious, you might find interest in Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras where he explains other steps and practices that help us nirodhah the vrttis!

There have been moments of low self-esteem and doubt, but it comes with the territory when you are trying to do new things. When you are trying to “shake the world in a gentle way,” it is the deep desire within you trying to stay alive that moves you forward.

I owe this to my mindfulness practice and my incredible support system. Mindfulness is so much harder for anyone who has experienced moments of deep despair and sadness. Those of us with a bit of resentment, insecurities, confusion, or traumas. Our minds tend to forget but our body does not. When we sit still, our body finally starts to share old stories with us.

It is also that much more important for us when we find it challenging to sit still to make the attempt to try mindfulness instead of sitting still. Once we begin to cultivate awareness, it is an opportunity to reconnect to your true nature. Not the one that has been created by the conditions of our lives. You begin to observe the fluctuations of the mind and begin observing patterns. You’ll notice which thoughts come to you the most. This is the opportunity we give ourselves to feel empowered and create space by acknowledging the patterns and release them so we can continue to connect to the present moment of feeling our breathing.

I thought for a while my meditation practice wasn’t working because I started to recall moments while sitting still and feel tears begin to stream. And then I would judge myself for feeling sadness. One of the most challenging things I’ve ever done is sit with my sadness. Not allowing myself to be pulled into a stream of thoughts where I try to understand it, but instead hold that sadness compassionately in observation of what the physical body is trying to communicate with the mind. This is the beautiful experience of making space by letting go of that which has been holding us back.

I invite you all to try the 4 week Ram Dass Solstice Meditation Renewal online course. He first went to India in 1967 and has been sharing mindfulness practices since then. There is not one magical method that works best for everyone. Some prefer sitting like a yogi, others prefer laying, some prefer repetition of mantras and chanting, others walking meditation. If you want to start searching for which works best for you, I invite you to get a feel for one of the best teachers out there. Ram Dass. Set aside belief systems and allow yourself to experience the magic that can happen when you begin to grow your practice and stay consistent with it.

Also, for anyone wanting to create this magic, read Big Magic from Elizabeth Gilbert. Stay curious.

My initial journey into a yoga practice had little to do with the heart and soul of yoga and more to do with creating beautiful shapes and sweating. I was a retail manager at one of the best retailers to work for, but even working for a great retailer, this still meant that I worked more than the 40 hour work week. Call-outs were common, shipments not coming when they were scheduled to come happened more than I would’ve liked, and the usual retail hiccups meant that I needed to workout and didn’t like to think of time “wasted” on too much of the soul part of yoga. That was the very beginning. I was lucky enough to have a teacher that was excellent at beginning classes with a beautiful thought and would sneakily incorporate the things I thought I didn’t care for in a yoga practice.

I decided to travel to India for my Yoga Teacher Training still thinking that I wanted to teach Power Vinyasa because I felt most American’s don’t realistically have time for anything other than a workout. Because of this I am grateful that I completed my training in India. It allowed me to observe firsthand the benefits of a daily pranayama and meditation practice and I was able to completely immerse myself in the culture that started yoga asana. Don’t get me wrong, I was the most stubborn and frustrated meditation student, but at the end of the 30 days, the seed that was planted started to grow roots and my curiosity deepened. Some evenings after the meditation class I felt like I was walking through clouds. I wasn’t sure why, but a few nights while we were repeating mantras, I felt complete and would feel such a deep overflowing of absolute love. I wasn’t sure if it was that I was in a room filled with other students also wanting to breakthrough the autopilot mentality, truly trying to feel alive, or that we were by the Ganga river receiving it’s powerful forces, but the feeling was very new to me. 

My stay in India made the training that much more unique. My lunch breaks were often times spent petting cows, stray dogs, or taking a dip in the Ganga river to cool down. I was lucky enough to be there during Holi, or the festival of colors, and even had the incredible opportunity to attend my philosophy/pranayama teacher’s wedding where I got to dress up in traditional attire and dance the night away with the youth at the wedding and my classmates. I deeply appreciate how I was able to give all of my energy to learning and absorbing as much of the philosophy and practical teachings of the yoga practice. Instead of having to worry about commuting to work, prepping my meals for the week, or any of our hundreds of other daily tasks that take us away from the present moment, I was able to simply be a student and learn.

Strangely enough, while I was in the training, I was in a lot of body pain. My hip would hurt and my wrist ended up hurting so badly I could no longer put weight on it. I began using my knuckles for every vinyasa and that ended up bruising my knuckles which led to sharp pains shooting up my forearm in the middle of the night. My low back started hurting and that’s when I realized I needed to learn more than the basics of Yoga Teacher Training. I began asking around for a local teacher that would focus more on alignment and everyone unanimously mentioned Surinder Singh in the town next to where my school was. Once I received my certification I decided to stay and practice as often as I could with this teacher.

Surinder’s class would get full about 20 minutes before his class began.  It was mat to mat in his shala and for just $2, I would enjoy the most powerful class I had ever experienced. Not only was his attention to alignment threaded through the class, but he understood the flow of our 72,000 nadis or energy lines and would often times call out which nadis we wanted to become aware of. I remember one day in class, he tented his fingers next to my heel while I was in downdward dog and he asked the class to feel the roots we create and become aware of the sudden upward energy we will experience once we did that. He kept his tented fingers next to my heel almost as if he was creating roots with his hand and all of a sudden I felt a flow of energy going from my heels to my sitting bones. I realized then how little I knew about teaching. Learn more about Surinder here.

Luckily for me I was traveling through Thailand and Borneo once I left the training and I met several very kind backpackers and volunteer coordinators that allowed me to practice teaching on them. When we go through YTT, we are generally surrounded by yogis that have pretty great alignment during their practice. When I was practicing with backpackers, it was the opposite. I continued to become more and more curious about verbal cues that would help alignment and having students hold postures in a safer way. I became very curious about how different body types felt postures and wanted to know as much as possible about the flow of energy instead of just calling out a long sequence of postures.

I returned home a few months after traveling and what happened once I got home was definitely not how I envisioned my career as a teacher unfolding. I will share more on that next week! Stay tuned! For those of you who have taken my classes, I would love to hear feedback. Feel free to leave a review here.

Katherine Connor started the sanctuary after caring for Boon Lott (little survivor) where she had been volunteering for 2 years. Boon Lott was born prematurely and his owners were going to separate him from his mother and put him at a tourist camp. Boon Lott was her first rescue and since then she has done everything she can to help the elephants without berating or judging the mahouts and elephant owners.

Most elephant owners truly care for their elephants but have only ever known the elephants to be their source of income whether it be through illegal logging or tourism. Others only see them as a source of income and don’t care. Instead of rescuing older injured elephants from irresponsible camps that just want to make space for the new baby elephants that bring the tourists, Katherine refuses to give her money to these owners. Instead she only rescues from those that want to create change in their lives. In the past, her purchase has helped elephant owners leave their old ways behind and her funds have helped put their children through school and paid for expensive surgeries for their children instead of going to elephant owners that will use her funds for purchasing new elephants.

The mahouts at the sanctuary are also helping Katherine with shifting the paradigm for elephants. When they go to rescue elephants, she brings along mahouts and is there for a few days interacting with the elephant’s owner. Her mahouts share positive reinforcement techniques as well as how to guide elephants through the use of their voice versus using bull hooks. Katherine believes it is more likely the Thai elephant tradition might evolve through mahouts or a Thai person sharing stories and successes versus having foreigners telling mahouts and Thai elephant owners that what they are doing is wrong.

Katherine is not just rescuing elephants she is trying to protect mahouts. Generally mahouts get paid much less than the average job in Thailand and are regarded as low class work, but she pays her mahouts a higher wage. She becomes fierce when she is talking about protecting mahouts just as she protects the elephants. It is so easy for foreigners to place their anger on the mahouts once they find out about the process of breaking elephant’s spirit in order to be used at riding camps, but Katherine and David Owen, my beautiful guide on my trip, made it a point to reiterate that we can not judge that which we truly do not understand. When jobs are scarce and there are children to feed it can be difficult to walk away from a job. They helped me realize that instead of hating the elephant owners that more energy should go toward education and getting tourists to understand what elephant tourism is really about. Anger solves nothing. When there is a “them” and “us” wall up, co-creative dialogue is stumped and it only perpetuates the problem.

Katherine is also trying to protect the environment through her sanctuary. The more acres of land she owns the less habitat is destroyed by illegal logging. Unfortunately, although it is illegal, it is still an issue. She has also recently switched over to using more grass instead of corn to feed the elephants which is less expensive to make and does not require pesticides. She is still paying locals what she would pay for corn even though it is cheaper. This not only helps the environment but the crop owners and the elephants digestive tracks.

While I was there I also sat in on a visit with another charity that will be helping them expand their sterilization program for the dog and cat community as well as heard them start developing ideas to help create an educational program to implement in schools for humane treatment of animals. Since I visited in March, I have seen that they have hosted two very successful weekends of mass sterilizations.

Also, they are probably the only sanctuary that has been able to have bull elephants in musth without being chained! This is a big feat as generally they can be very dangerous during this time, but since they have acquired so much land, they can keep the Bulls as close as possible to their natural element.

They are also different from other so-called sanctuaries that have loads of people everyday bathing and feeding elephants. It is because of this that they are my favorite sanctuary. It is a TRUE sanctuary. Although the elephants at these sanctuaries are happier not being used for rides and also are not poked and prodded with bull hooks, Katherine sees how much elephants enjoy splashing themselves with water and rolling around in ponds that she will never create a “bathe the elephants” or “feed the elephants” program because of this. The mahouts also let the visitors know when we were too close to the elephants and when it was okay to be near them, but it was evident that this is not the kind of place that allows masses of tourists to invade the elephant’s home.

Their gift shop also has a very small amount of items in it and are all ethically sourced. They even have bags, scarves, and table runners that are handmade by the women in the community with their silk weaving skills.

Overall, I think Boon Lotts is a beautiful sanctuary that respects the space of the elephants and only takes in 6 visitors max in order to keep it peaceful for the elephants. Katherine is someone very well respected by the mahouts and community and because of it she has the ability to lead by example and help the plight of the elephants.

I also strongly dislike the animal exploitation because of tourism. The way these animals are taken is abhorrent. I passed 5 macaques tied on a very short chain these last two days, 3 of which were babies, meaning they must’ve killed the mom to take it away.

I also passed three baby elephants on the way up to see the big Buddha in Phuket, also tied on very short chains.

One of the men even asked me if I wanted to feed the baby bananas and have it give me a kiss while I have my picture taken with it. All for $2.50. No! It’s just so wrong that us tourists are so eager to have our selfies with WILD animals to the point that we are okay with seeing the mahouts pinch the baby elephant’s ear in order to get it to kiss you.

And then the poor elephants being ridden with the mahout clearly holding a bull hook in their hand and 3 people to an elephant with their back bone being crushed by the stupid human holder on their back.

Sorry for the rant. I’m generally very positive, but the prodding hook was clear as day in the mahout’s hand and elephants are beautiful, kind, compassionate, and full of personality. They do not belong in captivity with selfie hungry tourists.

The last macaque that I saw, tied up on a short chain at a restaurant with a beautiful view of Phuket was unfortunately showing signs of distress and pulling its hair out.

It killed me to see this behaviour and not be able to help it reduce its discomfort. I have reached out to a few organizations to see if they can be rescued, but these are macaques that I found out of pure luck. How many others are in Thailand suffering the same fate?

When I saw the macaques and elephants tied up I felt claustrophobic. Do the tourists not feel the same? Seeing the chain around the macaques neck without any grass under it made me so agitated. I felt like I was choking when I was driving away from them.

Also, Asian elephants generally walk an average of 10 miles a day. To be constricted on short chains all day is maddening. Imagine if you were put on chains all day. We don’t even average those 10 miles a day, but being tied up all day would surely make us lose our minds.

I would just love for all humans to ask themselves when they see a captive animal, how that animal got there. Is it allowed to behave as it would in the wild? Is there a money hungry owner exploiting that animal? From fish tank pedicures (yuck), dove releases at temples, elephant riding, and reptile shows. Please don’t just coast through life without asking questions. Ask google to show you what phajaan (breaking the spirit) is. Or click on this phajaan in order to see what happens to every captive elephant.

I also do not think the mahout’s are the villains that us bleeding heart animal activists think they are. Have any of us ever spoken to a mahout? Have we ever surveyed the Thai population and asked them how difficult it is for them to put food on their family’s table? When scarcity is a prominent factor, what kind of bad decisions have we made? Do we shop at places that use sweat shops and child labour? (Ahem…Walmart shoppers)

Lastly, participating in animal exploitation just because the masses are doing it and it seems like you not riding the elephant doesn’t make a difference is a cop out thing to do. We all have the ability to shake the world in a gentle way! If you want to see elephants in Thailand then check out Boon Lott’s Elephant Sanctuary, Elephant Nature Park ,or BEESanctuary.

When I woke up the next day at 6am and checked the weather report, there were supposed to be thunderstorms all morning and afternoon at Doi Inthanon. Pre-coffee Franci got pretty grumpy quickly. I almost felt like this was a sign that I shouldn’t go. I had heard that Doi Suthep temple was also pretty and noticed there were a few waterfalls on the way, and when I checked the weather there, the thunderstorms weren’t supposed to start until the afternoon. Doi Suthep it was.

As soon as we got up to the mountains and out of the city I was instantly a changed person. Grumpiness dissolved and euphoria kicked in. The air being so fresh and clean, the temperature significantly lower, it made the experience therapeutic.

We decided to go up all the way to Doi Pui peak first before the thunderstorms set in. Once we got to the top, there was a viewpoint where you could park and take your selfies or you could continue to the camp site where the hiking trails were. We almost just turned around and went back toward Doi Suthep because I was being lazy, but we ended up doing the hike.

The beautiful sounds and art of nature were exactly what my soul needed. I kept having to stop and admire the intricate and strange creations from the forest. I loved seeing the dew drops on spiderwebs.

They all looked like the most spectacular little chandeliers. The green carpet growing on everything including rocks, the massive mushrooms everywhere, the trwirly trees, the spikey trees, and something that looked like cotton candy on the ground.

All of it was so unique and refreshing. The hike was a bit challenging and I was surprised at how I felt I had the wind knocked out of me almost the entire 2km up the steep hike, but I made it to the top.

Although we were supposed to be rushing to the top and rushing back to beat the storm we walked up slowly appreciating the ground below us and the meditative properties of the forest and its sound. Also, I plopped down my yoga mat and decided to have a mini asana practice at the very top.

While most of the way up there was barely any visibility because of the impending thunderstorm, toward the end of my practice the clouds opened up momentarily and allowed us to see the beauty of the neighboring mountains. I would have done cartwheels and backflips if I knew how, I was so excited we finally got some visibility!

On the way down, again I stopped at each of the spiderweb chandeliers and funny mushrooms and then once we got to the bottom of the trek we took an extra long time admiring Chiang Mai’s neighboring mountains.

Once we got to Doi Suthep temple it was overrun with tourists, but I loved seeing the stories that lined the walls where the golden Chedi was and I suppose the golden Chedi was impressive itself.

I think my favorite part about this temple was mostly that it was nestled in the mountains where the air feels more fresh compared to the heat of Chiang Mai, but my favorite Chedi is still one of the underrated ones in a hidden corner of Chiang Mai.

Doi Suthep is still worth the visit, because of the views from the mountain and I’ve heard they offer a great life changing meditation retreat, but because it’s inundated with tourists it was not my favorite.

The last stop of the day was the most sad little waterfall. Monthanon waterfall was pretty tiny and overpriced. I suggest skipping this waterfall if you come up to Chiang Mai. It had started to rain right as we got to the waterfall so that might have been part of the reason I was so unimpressed by it. Not all waterfalls are created equally.

Moral of the story, I’ve come to the realization that weather reports are always inaccurate and also whenever hikes or any nature activities are involved, they should never be rushed. Taking it slowly allowed me to truly appreciate where I was and take it all in. Also, take your yoga mat everywhere! Getting to practice at the mountain top was a pretty wonderful experience.

The first two times I cried during my practice these past few months was because of old memories I tried to suppress resurfacing. My dog Delilah is one of my favorite things on the planet so being away from her was difficult and I shoved those feelings away until they popped up that one day in India during savasana. The other time was because of the dog that I tried so hard not to fall in love with from Borneo at my last workaway. I was there for three weeks and almost every morning Oli had a hilarious crazy wiggle butt because of her excitement to see me and her dopey frolic through the water during our walks made me fall hard for her. It crushed me when I left her because I have no idea what her fate will be. She is a free roaming dog that belongs to the resort I was volunteering at, but free roaming can still get her hit by a car. I felt helpless and crushed walking away from her but she is an 8ish year old dog and shouldn’t be put on a plane for multiple hours and I already have three dogs as it is. There is nothing I could do except love her from afar.

Being so far away from my family has also been challenging and when I miss them the most I love to dedicate my practice to them and feel close to them once again. I generally feel more at peace after a practice that I’ve dedicated to them but today was different. I decided to dedicate my practice today to my grandaunt that lost her son to cancer just the other day. It crushed my soul when I heard the news because Frankie was one of the kindest people I knew that would light up a room with his positive energy. It always felt refreshing to be around him. Every time I think about his two young boys, his wife, and the fact that this is my grandaunt’s second son that she has lost just makes me cringe with anger and sadness. I was hoping that by dedicating my practice to my grandaunt that I might feel closer to her and be able to send her some love through the practice.

As soon as I got to pigeon pose I broke down. The tears were instant. Pigeon forces you to open your hips and we hold so much stress there that unlocking that stress and getting a flash of my aunt’s face and then Frankie’s beautiful smile, it all started to come out. This is also the asana that helps me remember to breathe through pain and helps me realize that you can create the space in your muscles to go deeper in the asana as well as create space for your body to cope and process your experiences. I held this pose a bit longer than usual today and breathed through the wave of emotions until I felt more space and stillness.

My asana practice today was like a much needed therapy session. There is still so much sadness, but I accept that I don’t have to numb myself or try to be happy all the time. I have a deeper appreciation of my yoga practice after today and really encourage everyone to give it a try instead of see it as something only hippies or really flexible people do.

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Bangkok

Delilah – Florence + the Machine

I loved listening to this song in Bangkok because the culture shock there made me frustrated and angry and this song helped me dance out my anger in my hotel room at Kao San Rd.

Chiang Mai

Style – Taylor Swift

Don’t judge! I was starting to get home sick after the first month and this song made me happy because it reminded me of one of my fun nights with a good friend singing this song at the top of our lungs.

Mcleod Ganj/Dharamsala

How Big How Blue How Beautiful – Florence + the Machine

Seeing the Himalayas for the first time awakened my spiritual side. These mountains took my breath away. They looked illuminated and majestic with the powdery white snow caps against the clear blue skies. The song resonated with me and what I was experiencing.

Rishikesh

Third Eye – Florence + the Machine

Landslide – Fleetwood Mac

XO – John Mayer

Hey Jude – The Beatles

I was in Rishikesh for 6 weeks, so there were several songs I listened to often, but I also created a Spotify playlist for the first yoga class I taught that you can access here. Rishikesh was where I worked on finding my center and aligning my behaviors with my beliefs. These songs were all soothing to my soul.

Lundu

Throw Down Your Guns – Wild Belle

I could not stop repeating this song! One of my lovely friends posted it on their Facebook and I was instantly hooked. Thanks, Amy!

Also El Perdon – Nicky Jam and Enrique Iglesias

This song not only made me feel like shaking my bum and was my go to for recharging when painting was becoming annoying and tiring, but the lyrics reminded me of certain people and situations in my life.

Now I’m curious about your music! What song can you not get out of your head? Is there anything you’re listening to that automatically makes you dance? Is there a new album that you actually enjoy every song and can play over and over again?

Generally, I love being on my own. I don’t mind eating alone in restaurants and also really loved getting to travel for work and adventuring on my own through the cities work would take me to. That being said, there have been several awe inspiring moments through my solo travel these last few months, that made my heart hurt a little missing a few loved ones. The most recent time was during my first week in Malaysian Borneo when I was taken aback by the beauty of the lush mountains, beautiful isolated beach, and even more so when the roaring thunderstorms and stunning lightning shows would begin in the evening. To top it all off, my first weekend there the volunteer coordinators left and I was the only one at the resort I was volunteering at. It made me crave having someone to share it with.

In hindsight it made me angry to feel like I was not enough at the time. Why can’t I just see beautiful things and let it sink in?

To make things more challenging, I had an adorably in love couple come and volunteer the second week. The first time I saw them canoodling in the ocean being adorably playful, swinging and twirling after a long day of painting I almost threw up. I thought this was some sick joke the universe was playing on me. But then all of the acceptance teachings from yoga teacher training began to trickle into my mind. It does me no good to be judgmental and upset that they had something I didn’t, so I tried my best to stop being a jerk and enjoy my space.

Also, I remember my guru-like yoga teacher from Rishikesh pausing during Hatha class one day to talk about our discomforts. After having held a very challenging asana, he said we needed to breathe and use our breath to create space where we felt the discomfort. Our breath is the tool we use to communicate to our body that everything will be okay. He then jovially said that humans are always using the phrase, ‘I need some space,’ and said the reason we always hear that is that we are always on social media or talking too much to fill up space. He suggested that instead we should look inward and enjoy silence so that we have a better sense of who we are and become less reactive. It’s moments like this which make me fall more in love with the practice of yoga. Having the teacher point out little helpful tricks that help me so much in my day to day life – union.

I had three weeks in this gorgeous setting and I was determined to embrace being on my own, regardless of the so in love new volunteers and picture perfect setting. I decided my last week to cut ties to social media and do my best to take it all in and just be one with my surroundings.

As time went on, there was no lack of those awe inspiring moments. I found a completely isolated beach a 30 minute walk away from the resort with the exception of a small waterfront restaurant where I enjoyed fried rice (vegetarians don’t have much fun in these parts) and then I got to stroll down the beach without one other human. I felt like I was truly enjoying my surroundings without thinking about how nice it would be to have someone there with me. Instead, I tried looking for shells or rocks to take back home to my nephews, but ended up being worried I was taking away little crabs. It was funny seeing all the tiny little crab legs moving around the shells, as if hundreds of little shells were dancing with one another. I was completely entertained and fully present.

My last week in Lundu, Sarawak had its ups and downs with my enjoyment of space. I completed two audio books, plowed through a bit of the very hefty but lovely book ‘Eastern Body Western Mind,’ enjoyed several sunrises, walks on the beach, thunderstorms, and danced like a maniac when no one was watching. I would take a step back when I felt the pangs of discomfort and breathed. The last week made me feel so much more in tune with myself and like I can do just about anything I put my mind to, so long as I remember to breathe. I’m sad that it took me almost 4 months of solo travel to finally enjoy my alone time, but better late than never. The power of our minds is a beautiful thing. I was determined and I almost completely felt comfortable being on my own. It was empowering and refreshing. Even with all of the stunningly scenic sites, I was finally beginning to embrace those moments and just allow it to sink in and fill up my soul.